Labels
Do you remember those labeled kids in school? You know, the boy that couldn’t sit still? The boy that try their hardest in school and just can’t pass a test? The troublemaker?
I remember them when I was in school and even more clearly - I remember teaching them. They all came with a label….AD/HD, LD (learning disabled), or ED (emotionally disturbed).
Why do we label kids like this?
Does it help them? Does it help the parents or teachers? Or is it because parents want to know what is “wrong” with their child? Have parents always wanted their child labeled? Is this wrong?
I have the child at playgroup that parents do this to 
. You know him…. the one that takes toys away from other kids. You’ve seen him at the grocery store throwing a fit on the floor or whining as he walks past the toy aisle. (Now, as I type this - I realize how much he has grown. He doesn’t hit anymore….well just hit little brother. He doesn’t bite anymore…..we have made progress! )
I think that I have labeled my child as the “bad” one. I don’t think that I realized that until last night when a friend of mine said that I was jaded. I tend to just see and focus on the bad things that Big Monster does 
. He really is a good kid although he has his moments (you see how I did that…I say he is good…but I ALWAYS give that condition).
When he was going to school, he was definitely labeled the “problem child”. I don’t think that he was given a fair chance. I think he sensed that. He told me several times that his teachers were mean to him. He is a lot of things, but he is not a liar….he hasn’t learned that skill yet….he is only three. So it is definitely a good thing to have him home with me. I don’t want that bad taste to follow him when he goes to preschool next year.
There really is not point to this…except for my light bulb moment…..I need to stop labeling him.
I love him and his brother more than life itself. He is who he is and I love him for it. He will always be torn between these 
.
***BTW, the Easy Tiramisu is not a recipe worth passing on, unfortunately. I was bummed!
May 10, 2007 at 9:37 am
I was an LD teacher. So many labels, so little time. I hope that all of the labels in the educational system are to get children the help they need. As for my cherubs, I prefer terms like high-spirited, strong willed, distracted.
I always say “We are working on that.” whenever out in public and they do their thang. Curious, do you call your children monsters to their face or just on your blog?
May 10, 2007 at 10:13 am
Hmm you call yours cherubs and I call mine monsters.. lol
No, I don’t call them Monsters in real life. lol Their nicknames are EviBean and Coop.
May 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Three is a challenging age anyway and I just can’t believe teachers want to label Big Monster already. I’m thinking unless a child is setting fires or beating (not just the occasional hitting) on kids or something extreme like that then he’s probably just testing boundaries as all 3 year olds do and will grow out of it soon.
I definitely worry about the labels and the comparisons especially with twins.
I do notice that my son is much more boisterous then my daughter. There are quite a few things that are different about them and how they respond to things - it’s even hard for me not to do comparisons.
But,being a twin myself and having dealt with those annoying comparisons and labels I make a point not to do it (although I’m not perfect).
May 10, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I ask myself the same questions about labels…obviously. LOL! Boy have I been asking them lately!
I’m really torn because it seems like more and more kids are being labeled, and then I am beginning to read and see how very closely the behaviors of Aspergers children and gifted children are, both the positive and negative behaviors. Who is the one who gets to decide which label applies?
And how have I labeled my child? I know what you mean…i really do.
One good thing I think could come of these labels is that at least it is bringing understanding. 30 years ago these special, and at times difficult, children were just labeled as “bad”. At least now, the label affords them an acceptance. And that’s a step in the right direction. Now it would be great if it could go from acceptance and a focus on disorder to embracing the different way the mind can work.
May 10, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I completely understand where you are coming from!
May 10, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Lene…Evan just sounds full of life to me. Every child is different and I know it’s hard…but we should never compare children. So he’s a little pistol at times…who cares if he’s not harming another child, ya know?! He’s enjoying life at fast speed and there’s nothing wrong with that!
May 10, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Don’t beat yourself up Lene. You are the best Mom Evan could ever ask for. I’ve seen your struggles. Call it growing pains or growing pains-in-the-butt. Best news is they pass. When he’s 25, a successful businessman and on his own in some far away city, you just might miss these days.
May 10, 2007 at 6:21 pm
You are not alone. It’s easy to label them. I see Gavin doing it all the time - labelling the child and not the behavior (yes, that’s the social worker in me talking). But, it is much easier to do.
May 10, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Heather - I agree - the labels do offer acceptance of behavior which is a good thing. I think the labels make people more aware that not everyone is a “bad” kid .
May 10, 2007 at 8:37 pm
I do it too Lene. Five minutes ago I left a comment on my friend’s blog, griping about my oldest. She’s my “difficult” child. It is hard to see past the bad stuff. She can be well-behaved when she wants to. I just keep praying that her wicked ways won’t rub off on my little one. Nature v. Nurture. Who knows. Good point about labeling the behavior and not the child, I’ll keep it in mind.
May 10, 2007 at 10:46 pm
I taught emotionally disturbed kids for several years. All of them came with the labels of being a “bad kid”. They would even tell me they were “bad”, and I better watch out. Through my experiences, though, I’ve learned that there is no such thing as a bad kid. Just bad behaviors. And I wasn’t afraid tell my students that, too.
May 11, 2007 at 8:32 am
I can relate to this in so many ways, and we are struggling with the same issues right now. You are not alone. My son was lately labeled a troublemaker at school and I’m fighting really hard to keep my perspective. I’d blather on and on some more, but I’ll go clog up my own blog with it. I’m thinking of you!
January 26, 2008 at 10:34 am
[...] big thing on my mind today is that my little “monster” as he was previously known is now four years old. It is so weird to me. He is turning [...]